Peaks and troughs

Originally Posted on September 2, 2011

I’m really not a fan of roller coasters. The up and down of the thing makes me ill, and I just always believe that I’m gonna be the poor sucker to go flying out of those oh-so-safe carts they strap you into. I’m not real big on putting my trust in something like that. I like to be in control and to know what’s coming next.

So today’s dark cloud came as something of a surprise. I was speaking to someone earlier today who wanted to know what happened to Jane. Given the person’s, shall we say, technological stuntedness, I figured pointing her to the blog really wasn’t an option. So I told her the story.

And three solid good days came to a screeching halt. I feel like I’m on the edge of a breakdown.

I really wanted to come home to her today. I wanted to tell her all about the sales I’d made, about how the drive up to Maritzburg was so beautiful, share the sunshine and wonderful mild weather with her. Sit down after the kids are in bed and watch TV. Run my fingers through her hair. Be woken by her as she talks in her sleep.

These odd little things that matter more than big things. These little comforts that sort of filled in all the cracks and spaces and made our life together so comfortable.

I am so aware of what is absent today.

But that’s how it goes. Grief sneak attacks from time to time. Tonight I’ll go see friends and eat a decent supper at a fancy restaurant. Maybe that’ll brighten the mood some.

Anyway, it’s Friday. Tomorrow is market day. The Right Reverend Benjamin James Jacob Aldous will bring his wonderful family to Casa de Jones and there will be much madness and hilarity. Sunday will be an opportunity to meet with God with his people.

It’s just today… this will pass.

Eventually this grief will pack its bags and move on. Not soon enough for me obviously, but we don’t get to pick how things go down much of the time.

Happy weekend to you all. We’ll chat again on Monday. Thanks for reading, and as always, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe.

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